WHOA, what?? A Friday Favorites post? Since when? What year is it? Do bloggers even do this anymore???
I don’t know why, but I’m feeling like I have a lot of things floating around in my brain and I want to talk about them. I want to share some stuff that’s been on my mind, but also other stuff that’s been helping me/inspiring me/making me laugh. It just so happens to be a Friday, so hey – time for a Friday Favorites post! The last time I did one of these was in January of 2016, so yay, good job me for starting a thing and then not keeping up with it.
Anyway.
First thing I wanted to talk about was my anxiety because I’m feeling it right now and I think writing about it will help me. I recently recorded myself talking about it because I wanted to share it on Instagram, mainly because Instagram is a place where we all show our best selves, and sometimes that’s exhausting. I thought it’d be nice to open up, figuring people would be able to relate, but then I had anxiety about being so open about my anxiety so I didn’t post the videos… Yeah.
I can’t remember if I’ve talked about it on my blog before, but it’s gotten pretty bad over the past year or so, to the point where I’m having occasional panic attacks and feeling an uneasiness most days, just a general feeling of anxiety lurking and hanging around that I can’t seem to shake or make sense of.
This past week, I’ve actually been okay, but a few weeks ago, I wasn’t okay. I finally decided maybe I should see someone about it, so I have an appointment today to talk to a therapist. I don’t think I’m depressed. I just think I need to talk to a professional about how I can manage my anxiety, or have someone with experience at least tell me what to do when I have a panic attack so I can get out of it and not feel so scared.
We all know mental health stigmas exist, but as each year passes, it does seem like it’s a topic more and more people are totally okay opening up about, and that makes me happy. So, here I am in 2019 talking about it. I’m working on getting better, and if you are going through anything similar, I hope you can find the help you need to feel peace in your life, too.
The second thing I wanted to talk about was this article I found on Medium. It’s written for people who are on the fence about having kids, and it is so spot on. She has a lot of the same feelings I do and addresses so many topics I often ponder. In our society, it doesn’t exactly seem acceptable to make a conscious decision to not have kids, so a lot of times, people have kids because they fear they’ll regret not having them. What a silly reason to bring another human into the world!
For me, in my heart, I do feel I want kids. I see them in my future, I think I can picture myself as a mom, and I can envision Adam being the most incredible dad. I do want that life. But… I don’t feel it yet. I don’t have the baby brain, my ovaries don’t burst with joy when I see a newborn, and to be completely honest, I enjoy my life and independence right now. Having the ability to get up and go whenever I feel like it is a beautiful thing. I guess most people, especially parents, would call that “selfish” and hey, maybe it is. But I guess I just feel like when I’m ready to have kids, I’ll know. And like that article states, I’ll know because I’ll get to a point where I’ll want to do it out of love, and not out of fear.
More stuff on my brain:
// Trump is the absolute worst and I hate even writing his name, but this video has brought me so much joy, and I needed to share. I’m also a big fan of this Cardi B video where she rants about the government shutdown. (NSFW!)
// And on that topic, have you seen this ad from Aeromexico? It is pure gold.
// Jenny Lewis released a new single the other day, and I’m all over it. Fun fact: Ringo Starr plays drums on the song. Adam and I are seeing Jenny in Portland in May. YAASSSS QUEEN.
// Oh man, have you watched the Fyre Festival documentary on Netflix? I haven’t watched the Hulu one yet, but wowza, what a total mess! I hadn’t even heard of the festival until I saw advertisements for the documentary on Netflix. That’s how out of touch I am on social media with influencers like Kendall Jenner and whoever else those models were. If you haven’t heard about it, it was a Coachella-esque music festival for rich people on a secluded island that totally went down in flames. How appropriate the name had Fyre in the title. Check it out if you have the time!
// I know the Golden Globes took place a while ago, but this article about the Fiji Water Girl is hilarious. She’s my idol.
// Have you watched the Surviving R Kelly documentary? I haven’t worked up the courage to watch it yet, but everything I’m reading about it does not surprise me. He has given me the creeps forever and I do not support him or listen to his music. Yuck.
// To end on a happy note, this wholesome video is so sweet. I’ve watched it a hundred times!
I hope you have a wonderful Friday, and a happy, stress-free weekend. As always, thanks for reading. xo
Fee says
I’m sorry to hear about your anxiety but seeing someone is definitely such a good idea 🙂 🙂 Also that fyre doco was insane, it actually randomly helped put into perspective some problems in my own life when I could say (spoiler alert) “hey at least I’m not millions of dollars in debt, going to jail and letting down so so many people and my reputation!” It’s so crazy it could even spiral so far down, just bad choice after bad choice!
amandaaude@gmail.com says
Thanks, Fee. I agree! Oh man, and yes, that documentary was craaaazy. That guy is unreal!
Kristen Woolsey says
Totally with you on the having kids thing. I really like what me and my husband have right now, but if a kid came along one day we would embrace that too. It got a lot easier once people stopped asking when we were having kids! I guess they just assume you aren’t after awhile.
And the Fyre Festival doc was so interesting! It’s amazing what people are willing to spend money on…
amandaaude@gmail.com says
Yeah I totally feel you there. I felt like the day after we got married people started prying, asking about that. Sheesh! Totally agree about the documentary!
Kay R.D. says
I had a really bad bout of anxiety and panic attacks last year. Thankfully its calmed down now but while in it I thought it would never end. I also truly understand the anxiety around even sharing about your anxiety. Sending positive thoughts to you and I truly hope the anxietry haze clears up soon 🙂
amandaaude@gmail.com says
Thanks so much, Kay! <3
Sammie @ The Annoyed Thyroid says
I can totally relate to the anxiety – I’ve been feeling totally off this month. I was even contemplating going back to see my psychologist – seriously, talking about it with a professional is the best thing I ever did – I hope you get value and benefit from it too! Can also totally relate about the kids thing. We’ve decided we’re not having kids but are getting a dog instead although now I’ve really started reading up about taking care of puppies, I’ve realised they’re just as much work as a baby! Talking of babies that Trump video really made my day so thank you for that! So jealous that you’re going to Portland, I am desperate to get there this year – hopefully before the puppy arrives. Portland would make a great destination for our puppymoon!
amandaaude@gmail.com says
Thanks, Sammie! It feels like the more I open up about it, the more I’m realizing I’m not alone. <3
We talk about getting a puppy, too, but yes, they are so much work! Or so I've heard... We already have a cat and a chinchilla, so I think we'll wait until we have a bigger place and/or a yard at least. Portland would make the perfect puppymoon!