I realized today that while I enjoy blogging, I don’t exactly feel as though my blog is special or has anything about it that would make a stranger want to come back and check up on it the way I do with certain blogs (like Unlocking Kiki, Slightly Astray, Vanilla & Lace, and Love Taza to name a few). Maybe it’s because I feel like my everyday life isn’t as exciting as I wish it could be, or maybe it’s because I’m lazy and wait forever to sort through photos, or maybe I fear I’ll come off lame and write about things I’ll want to delete the next morning. I’m not sure.
I used to have a LiveJournal that kept my brain active and writing all the time. I didn’t really care who read it, I was always open, always honest, and sometimes too crass for my own good. But I enjoyed it. When I went to college and had to turn in some of my work for a creative writing class, those journal entries are what I handed in to my professor. I was proud of my twisted, late-night ramblings and often thought how true the quote “Write drunk, edit sober,” really was (even though I’ve never been much of a drinker at any point in my life). But I understood that feeling. There’s just something so incredible that happens when you write exactly what you’re feeling in that moment, without worrying about grammatical errors, using the same word too many times, or dreading what others will think of it after you’ve published it for “the world” to see. When you take other people out of your head while you’re writing, amazing things happen.
So maybe that’s my problem. I write here with the intentions of sharing my life in a sense, but in reality, I’m not sharing my life at all. I enjoy sharing my photos, but when it comes to the words in my posts, they feel lost and disconnected and so stripped of the emotions I was actually feeling when those photos were being taken. I have to change that.
Sometimes when I post here, I wonder who’s going to read it, but I know that by putting myself out there, that’s just something I have to deal with. I’m going to have people reading my blog who I really wish wouldn’t read it at all. (*cough* Like those people who have no idea I have a stat tracker installed that knows exactly who they are. *cough*) And I’m not going to have as many of the people I wish were reading it (like other interesting bloggers/potential Seattle friends/Jenny Lewis/Mindy Kaling/whoever) read it because that’s just how it goes.
I guess what I’m trying to say is that I need to get back to writing what enters my brain instead of kicking around a sentence or two in each post, hoping I don’t sound like a total moron. What’s the sense in blogging if I’m not even blogging? And at the end of the day, am I blogging for me or am I blogging for other people? I have to blog for me first if I want to care about this thing at all.
But let’s be real. If you know me well, you probably know how accurate that photo above really is. I’m not a very serious person most of the time, so this blog won’t be turning into some sort of Lifetime movie-esque sap-session (okay maybe sometimes it will), but I want it to be a place where I actually come to write and share instead of dump photos I took over a year ago. I don’t know what that will look like, but it’ll be an experiment. So if you care at all, thanks. And if you don’t, that’s fine, too. I hope you find what you’re looking for. xo
monica says
I feel the same way about my blog. I have no problem sharing photos, but when it comes to writing I’m always over-analyzing what I sound like or how my words will be perceived by the reader. I have to constantly remind myself that I’m blogging because I enjoy it and that it’s not a contest 🙂
amandaaude@gmail.com says
So true! It’s a hard balance to find. I really struggle with posting regularly, too. I stopped blogging a few years ago because it started to feel more like a chore than anything else, so I’d hate to have that happen again. But I know there are a ton of bloggers who struggle the same way I do, so at least we’re in this together. 🙂 My favorite bloggers are the ones who open up and post freely, so I’m really going to make an effort to do just that!
Katie says
So I’m most likely going to get all rambly because that’s what I do – I ramble. First of all, I love that photo. And I love this post. So much.
I know what you mean by feeling like your blog is not something so special that some stranger would want to continue to come back and check it out. Mine is totally that and I know that. But it’s funny because I met my very best friend through blogging and hers isn’t so much like that either. It’s just all kinds of random stuff that makes up who she is and I think I connected with that because I don’t have pretty pictures and I have way too many selfies and I ramble like a moron (this comment for example) and I’m too honest and too sad and TOO much. You know? But the truth is that, while I enjoy the blogs with the professional looking photos and the glamorous outfits and the homes that look AMAZING (and I’m pretty sure I couldn’t visit because I am quite sure I’d spill something on their precious magazine perfect home and be kicked out..), the ones I connect with are the ones that are just really people doing real life. Whether they look like hell or are having something amazing going on or it’s just some random picture they took 10 years ago on the best day of their life, that stuff makes me happy. Those kind of posts I come back to read because those are how you really get to know people and that is the enjoyment of blogging for me – getting to know people that I’d never meet otherwise.
I was just freaking out the other day about how like nobody reads my blog and why can’t it be just like so and so’s and I need to edit this and delete that. But at the same time THAT is me. I am the person that talks too much and is too honest for her own good and posts too many selfies. That’s me. That’s what I do. That’s what I like and if me writing 3 posts about a trip that wasn’t even a full 3 days length but was worth all those posts then that’s what I’m going to do because that just shows how much it meant to me and I’d rather have those posts and those memories saved somewhere than not post them and make it short and cute so someone else actually stops and reads it. Does that make sense?
So all those rambles to say that you pretty much took words that had been rumbling around in my head for ages and placed them into a blog post and did it well, so thank you. And I enjoy reading and I enjoy being here and I’ll read whatever you got and whatever you have to say. Whether it’s crass and wordy or spelled wrong or whatever. That writing is the best kind of writing. Rambles end.
have a good day
amandaaude@gmail.com says
Thank you, Katie! I appreciate everything you said. I completely agree. I don’t know when blogging turned into such a circus. Sometimes I come across blogs where it’s so obvious the blogger is trying way too hard to be artsy and it’s just so fake to me. I definitely prefer bloggers who aren’t full of shit, haha. Thanks for reading, you da best! <3
craig aude says
Katie said, ” Just some random picture they took ten years ago on the best day of their life.” Wow. A very profound example of exactly what a blog should be! You’re not trying to impress anyone, you’re just trying to get a little empathy from people about how you feel. If they feel it, they’ll be back. I might be a little prejudice but, I love your writing. It always pulls me in. Love you.
amandaaude@gmail.com says
Thanks, dad. You’ve always been my biggest fan. <3
Jess Miller says
I agree with this! We should come up with prompts that we can each use for posts on our blogs. Kinda like a link up! Also we need to do some blog-worthy adventures. Lets get planning! :-*
amandaaude@gmail.com says
Yesssss! I rarely blog about Seattle which is so strange because we live in such an awesome place! We must adventure.
Josie Donaldson says
I am going through this exact crisis. My blog is now food-based, but I feel as though my true self isn’t coming through as much as I would like it to be.
I’m looking forward to reading more of your ramblings, whether or not you want me to read them, hah!
amandaaude@gmail.com says
I know, it’s really hard to do sometimes. I love your food blog though, if that means anything to you! And haha aww well thank you!! And yes, yes! Please read! 😀
Anna says
Oh my gosh! Thanks so much for the mention!! I really appreciate it because, believe it or not, I have these exact thoughts too. I always wonder what makes a blog something that people want to always go back to, and whether mine is something like that. Most of the time, I feel like that mine isn’t, even though I am super grateful for the small handful of consistent readers.
I’m lazy too to sort + edit photos, and a lot of the time, even though I want to blog about something, it doesn’t sound the way I want it to when I start to write about it. So after too much time has passed, I just end up never writing about it. I have this idea in my head too that i want my blog to be a place to share good writing and thoughts from the road, instead of using it as a photo dump. But once in a while, I look back through my old posts and the photos and I really love being able to relive my memories, no matter how bad I thought the writing part was. So I’m trying to find that balance too.
And for what it’s worth… I just read like 10 of your posts in a row!! I don’t read blogs everyday, so when I do, I’m usually catching up. I’ll usually scroll through to see if there’s anything that looks interesting, and your blog is definitely personable and interesting enough that I read all the posts I missed! I’m looking forward to more! xx
amandaaude@gmail.com says
Aww, thanks, Anna! 🙂 Your blog is so great! I love all the interesting travel posts. They’re fun to read when I’m sitting at home on the couch or behind my desk at work. 😉
It’s so hard finding a balance for blogging. I don’t know how people are able to post so consistently. I tried to do the whole Friday Favorites thing again, but I’m already a few weeks behind, haha. It’s just so hard! Time goes by so quickly… Trying to get better about it though! I used to spend a ton of time editing photos, but now I’m just trying to take better pictures so I don’t have to do so much editing (imagine that, haha) and it’s been a huge time saver.
I love catching up on blogs and yours is one of my favorites! Cheers!